My daughter'shorse story?

hi y'all, what do you think of my daughter's horse story? she's only 11! i think its great!





The Last Beauty

The finely tapered nostrils sampled the breeze, while the delicate fore feet pranced. Yes, that was it, the smell he had spent so long searching for. It was the scent of a band of horses. He excitedly tested the air again, just to be sure, only to find that his nose deceived him. He shook his savagely beautiful head and the wide, expressive eyes surveyed the barren ground that stretched for miles in all directions.



He rose on his hind legs, powerful muscles rippled beneath the sleek black hide, the image of the gorgeous, strong and dangerous wild Arabian stallion he had grown to become. He pranced on the rise he was standing on and broke into a canter, a dark silhouette against the equally dark navy blue sky that looked like crushed velvet sprinkled with millions of grains of sugar. His long silky black-as-night tail billowed out behind him like a banner, and his mane reached up towards the skies like a black flame reaching for the stars.



He kept searching for hours until, certain he was alone, he rose once again, his forelegs pawing the sky. His deadly, yet so pure, scream echoed for miles. But, as he screamed, there was an answering call. He thudded back down to earth, surprised. He whinnied again and there it was, another call, strangely familiar. He started trembling with excitement as he saw a tiny sliver of hope. He heard the thundering of hooves as the band approached. He neighed excitedly and bounded up to meet them, only to stop in his tracks.



He saw a herd of about fifteen mares and a few foals, but at the back of the herd was his father, a big chestnut stallion rounding up his mares. They saw each other at the exact same moment, and the chestnut screamed a challenge. He answered by rearing up on his hind legs and letting out a piercing whistle. They galloped head on towards each other and then they clashed!



Black and copper seemed to fuse together in the rising sunlight. The churning fireball of black and copper was full of flying feet and snapping teeth. Each stallion reared up and bit the others neck. The chestnut came back to earth and sent his feet flying towards the black hide, but the youth and swiftness of the black prevailed, and he danced out of the way. But the chestnut had age and experience on his side and quickly landed a kick on the blacks’ rump.



They tried to knock the other down by biting their knees, kicking them with all their might and biting as hard as they could, all the while rearing and bucking. After half an hour of this the black stallion was weakening. The chestnut double-barreled him in the side and grabbed his knee and pulled. He fell to the ground with a thud and struggled to rise. The chestnut stallion prepared to finish him off by rearing and landing on him, but one mare dared to intervene. His mother whinnied angrily and charged at the stallion. She whipped around and threatened to kick him, her black mane flying, and her grey body sweaty. While she was protesting, he slowly crawled away and rose to his feet.



The black stallion trotted away slowly until he was at a safe distance and called to the grey mare. She looked over, whinnied weakly and looked away. He cantered away reluctantly, and didn’t stop all day. It was dusk when he stopped at a waterhole. He had a long drink and ate a few mouthfuls of the salty dry grass that grew there.



As the first stars were coming out he looked up longingly at the sky. As he rose up high on his hind legs, stars started to shoot across the navy sky. He whistled long and loud, and shook his perfectly chiseled head while his forelegs reached up high on the still night air.

He made a magnificent picture, mane and tail flying. Yes, he was the last beauty.

My daughter'shorse story?
Holy crap! that girl sure can write! i wish i could write like that! just within the first like 2 paragraphs i was very impressed. does she ride....bc she sure knows a lot about horses! Wow.....thats awsome..! shes good! :)
Reply:I think that your daughter has the makings of a very fine writer. That is a beautifully executed story. Keep up the excellent work.
Reply:wow thats great!



i couldnt do that if i was eleven!





wow!

future star here!





well done
Reply:That was verry very impressive! please have her write more and post it PLEASE that was so good!!
Reply:Good Lord! This gal has talent. And we saw it here first!



It's so good, in fact, I'm wondering if she isn't homeschooled. I don't mean to offend. It's my way of saying AWESOME. And it's really something that an eleven year old knows of the knee-biting behavior for putting another horse in its place. The whole thing is remarkable. I WANT MORE :-)
Reply:Eleven years old?! She is a very talented writer!



I love the first sentence, "The finely tapered nostrils sampled the breeze, while the delicate fore feet pranced."

It really gets your imagination going :-)



She should write more.
Reply:Oh my goodness! That was so great! Your daughter is an absolutely amazing writer! I hope she writes more. It was an intriguing story, I love how she used her words. I especially love how she ended the story, 'Yes, he was the last beauty.'